i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
