she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
