hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
