if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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