I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
