All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
