Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
