I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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