Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
