He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
