She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
