After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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