Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
