I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
