And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
