at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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