you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
