Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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