im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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