WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
