at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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