i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
