I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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