i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
