Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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