The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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