I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
