I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
