I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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