Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
