remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
