i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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