just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
