Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
