oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
