She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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