exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
