awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
