Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
