I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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