Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
