i jhust puked up my retainher.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
