evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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