I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
