Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
