mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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