I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
