So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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