Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
