The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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