I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
