Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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