i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
