I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
