I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
